Pilot Talk

Most of you probably already know I like nicknames. In fact, if you're reading this blog, it must be because I know you, and chances are I have a nickname for you. (Isn't that right, Fish, BenDo, Russell the Love Muscle, T-Fany, Dre...)

Today I want to talk about aviation nicknames. Pilots are, as most of you know, an irreverent group of individuals, so it should come as no surprise that we've come up with some creative, slightly inappropriate nicknames for many things in our business. I'm only going to serve you up a small taste of the many aviation nicknames that float around in my world...

Airplanes

First and foremost, obviously there must be nicknames for the machines we drive. Here are some of my favorites:

Fairchild Metroliner - Aliases: The San Antonio Sewer Pipe, The Free Caster Disaster.
This aircraft was manufactured in San Antonio, and had a screwy free castering nose wheel steering system that led to several losses of control at high speeds. A true marvel of Texas ingenuity.

McDonald Douglas MD-80 - Alias: The Long Beach Death Tube.
Designed and built in Long Beach, CA, the MD-80 earned its nickname after an Alaska Airlines flight plummeted into the Pacific Ocean off the coast of California due to a pitch trim failure.

Boeing 737 - Alias: Guppy
Look at it from the side. It's pretty obvious...

Boeing 747-400 - Alias: The Whale
It really is that big...

Any aircraft built by Airbus Industrie - Aliases: Scarebus, Skytrash, Eurotrash
This family of airplanes, designed and built in Europe, gives its central computer more authority than it gives the pilot. We don't really like that much...

Boeing 777 - Alias: Bigfoot
The triple 7 has the largest main landing gear assembly in commercial aviation.

Douglas Company DC-9 - Alias: Greasy 9
They're old, they're worn out, and Northwest refuses to retire them, despite the grease and oil that constantly leaks from their rusty innards.

Airports and Cities

It should come as no surprise that we've aptly (and detractingly) created nicknames for some of our least favorite locations...

Newark Liberty Airport - Aliases: The Sewer, Sewark.
It smells like New Jersey. 'Nuff said.

New York LaGuardia Airport - Alias: LaGarbage.
It smells like New York. 'Nuff said.

Philadelphia, PA - Alias: Filthydelphia.
The people are rude and the town sucks.

Cincinatti, OH - Alias: Cincinasty
Not much fun here either.

Pensacola, FL - Alias: Penis
We're not a very imaginative group...

Chicago O'Hare International Airport - Aliases: O'Horrid, O'Horrible. O'Hell.
One of the most delayed airports in the world.

Rochester, NY - Alias: Crotchester
No reason other than it sounds funny.

Rochester, MN - Alias: Crotchfester
See above.

Airlines

It's a world of tough competition in the airline industry. Therefore, we rip on each other.

Chautauqua Airlines - Aliases: Shitty Taco, Shanequa, The Infection.
Other than Chautauqua people, no one else likes Chautauqua. Can you tell?

Delta Airlines - Aliases: Doesn't Ever Leave The Airport, Diverts Every Leg Through Atlanta, Don't Expect Luggage To Arrive.
Pilots like acronyms.

USAirways - Aliases: USscareways, U're Still Alleghany In Reality Why Alter Your Signs.
Like I said, acronyms.

American Airlines - Alias: The Sky Nazis.
Perhaps the most anal, controlling airline in history.

American Eagle Airlines - Alias: The Hitler Youth.
See above.

Trans World Airlines - Aliases: Terrorists Welcome Aboard, Tourists Washed Ashore, The Worst Airline.
More acronyms.


Well, those are all the nicknames I can come up with right off the top of my head for now. I'm sure some of you other pilots who read this blog will feel compelled to add to the list, so feel free. In the meantime, I'm going to enjoy the rest of my layover in Miami, otherwise known as little Havana...