Momma's Got a Brand New Bag

There is an interesting social dynamic that occurs quite often between two people who used to date each other. Invariably, one or the other person will find a new mate, and very often, this will cause great consternation to the person who is still single. I am terribly confused by this reaction on the part of the still single individual.

I bring this up because I recently found out my most recent ex has kindled a new flame. The circumstances surrounding our parting some 6 months ago are superfluous to this musing, so I'll spare you the details. All you really need to know is this: The sum of her shortcomings is not equal to the sum of her talents, and even so, she is not the one for me. She is, however, deserving of a quality of life that has so far been denied her for various reasons. When she told me of her freshly inspired love life she was very cautious with what information she would divulge. It became clear after only a few moments of conversation that she fully expected me to either be angry or disheartened by this developement.

Here is why I am confused: It is terribly common for the person who decided upon ending a relationship to suddenly become jealous when another individual takes interest in his or her ex. There is a clear inconsistancy in this logic. If you broke up with someone, why would you care if that person has moved on? The fact that your ex has found a new love has not in any way changed any of the reasons you broke up with them. The addition of a significant other to your former significant other does not affect their personality or attractiveness in any way whatsoever. Why then, is it so often a difficult pill to swallow for the ex who is still treading water in the singles pool?

In some scenarios, I can understand the presence of resentment. An individual whose love is unrequitted will be understandably upset when their ex moves forward in a new relationship. However, the dumper never has the right to be upset when the dumpee moves on. You made your bed, now sleep in it.

There is always something positive, pure, and poetic about every relationship. No matter what the circumstances of the death of that relationship may be, nothing can take away the fact that two people shared something special between them if only for a short time. I suspect that pure selfishness motivates the often bitter precedings that follow a breakup. Think of the phrases so often used after a split occurs: "How can I live without you." "Who will take care of ME now?" "I don't want this to end." "Can't you see it MY way?" "Don't you love ME?" Perhaps we should all strive to face the end of our relationships in the same way we face the end of the life of someone we know. We remember the departed's shortcomings, celebrate their outstanding qualities, learn the lessons they leave us with, and above all else, hope that they will move on to better things.